To my Dad...

I have one of the best dad's in the world. I know a lot of us say that but I mean it. He is the best dad that I could have had - which I am sure is why he got stuck with me. God knew I needed him. He is silly and strange and not afraid to look like an idiot while playing with his kids and his grandkids. He is also a rock that I always knew I could hang on to and count on. Even when I ignored that - he still offered it. My dad has been there for me through laughter and tears. He always wanted me to be happy and strong - and loved me enough to help me when I confused happy with fun - no matter how mad I got. There are many many days that I wished I had listened. I know he probably doesn't read this so I will have to print it and mail it to him :) but I needed to say it anyway. I love you dad. I am sorry for all the tears and the frustration and the really awful things I said and did. And I am so grateful you never gave up on me even when I am sure I deserved to be smothered. Thank you dad. I love you.

P.S. I was reading in Mosiah last night and King Benjamin was talking. I have said before that he speaks with your voice and this particular one just brought it home. He was talking about how we should believe in the Lord and believe in repentance, believe in the scriptures and that (and here is the part that really sticks to me as you) *if ye believe these things see that ye do them. I think that says it all really. :) I love you dad.

Truth in Fiction

I love to read. It is one of my favorite pastimes. With the job I currently have I have been able to do more of it. As the receptionist - I sit at my desk for 9 hours and when it gets slow, I read. It's a fabulous thing - even if I do have a small headache almost all the time from the eyestrain. Now that my children are away I have a lot more time to read at home - even though I haven't been. For some reason it has become craft month and my living room may never be the same. :)

However - I must say that reading can be very educational. I'm not talking about textbooks or history books or biographies (even though those are all great books). I am talking about fiction. My particular genre that I most enjoy is science fiction and fantasy. There is so much that can be done and said in them - lessons taught, morals learned etc. Some are more obvious like C. S. Lewis, some I dont think even tried to be educational but are anyway. Think of the myriad things you learned from Dr. Seuss, and Ray Bradbury, and Orson Wells. Well I did anyway.

I think of the political and moral lessons I learned in The Sword of Truth series, the strategic and tragic lessons from the Ender series, and the wonder and joy of it I still get when I vist the world of Pern. Stories are meant to speak to us - and they speak to us differently I think. Sometimes I know that the things that speak to me - resonate and speak truth to me - are things that really are just part of the story and not necessarily meant that way. Certain phrases I want to highlight and bookmark the way I do my scriptures and say yes, see that is it! that is what I was trying to say but couldn't find the words - that is what I was feeling but couldn't express. Other times I read something and think to myself - wow, I never thought of it like that before and a whole new way of thinking opens up to me, a whole new world of believing is suddenly there to poke and prod at and see how it might fit.

Then there are the simple things - bits of trivia I wouldn't have bothered with - like did you know Wednesday is Odin's day? If you go back enough that is one of the roots of it. Little did I know that hump day belongs to the All-Father. He must cringe at the thought :) Or how reading a book in a very similiar but definitely alternate universe can make me spend as much time on wikipedia looking up things like the Crimean War and Duke Wellington as I do reading the book - trying to find out how much was real and how much changed for the story and in doing so I learn more history than I did in school.

Every time I read something new I have to be open to new thoughts, new worlds, new lives, new hopes and dreams. And every time I do - I learn something - about the book, about the world, or just about myself. I believe this is a good thing. We always have to be open to new ideas and ways of being or else we get stuck in a rut and might miss something amazing - even if it only affects us.

And maybe three months without my husband has made me a bit strange and far too much time to ponder other things to try and avoid missing him. :)

Peace and Quiet....ish

I put my kids on a plane last week. Its been 5 days that they have been gone now. The three days I was at work the routine wasn't all that different. I came home - did some laundry and made dinner and went to bed. It was quieter to be sure. No one argued about whether they had to go to bed or take a shower, no one whined about waht I made for dinner. No one helped me bring the groceries in the house or helped me wash the dishes either so that part sucked. It seems like the trade off is no backtalking but no slave labor either. Hmmmmmmm.

The weekend though....thats where I really felt it. I slept in on Saturday. All the way until 10:00am!! No one bothered me - no loud tv, no sneaking in my room to ask if they can have the chips for breakfast, no one called me or texted me, no one rang the doorbell and even the dogs were quiet! It was heaven! Ahhh blissful sleep where you actually wake up refreshed - I cant remember the last time that happened. It felt so good I decided to continue the trend and not leave the house. It was a jama day! I stayed off the computer and watched a Grey's Anatomy marathon and quilted the day away! Still no one called or texted or came over. It was just me.....and the massive mess I was making. :) It was a fabulous day.

I was planning on going to church on Sunday but I woke up feeling like death. I knew it! I had to pay for my awesome Saturday! It really felt like the worlds worst hangover. Nausea, pounding head that was very unhappy if I moved fast, or sounds were too loud, but I didn't drink! Then I realized that was the problem. During my quilting spree of a day I didn't eat anything or even have more than a small glass of milk. Now I was feeling it. Leftover chicken and rice soup with a huge mug of lemongrass/chamomile tea and a nap on the couch seemed to fix me right up. So what did I do with the rest of my day? Clean? Make lunches for the week? Nope. I finished my quilting! I made two baby blankets and I they were pretty cute too. Yes, I am feeling slightly smug. I made up my own patterns and they actually worked (which believe me is not the usual) and turned out nicely. They are just small receiving blankets but still. And the best part is - still no one called or came over. It was just me and the dogs.

*sigh .....and as nice as that was - I sure wish my husband had called me. It's been a week now but I know they go out on a lot of missions and they dont have phone services at a lot of places they go to but still....He wasn't there to make dirty jokes, or take a nap on the couch and be in my way while watching Nascar. He wasn't there to rile up the dogs or blast his stupid music while making a mess in the kitchen cooking me lunch. He wasn't there to snuggle up with and talk to me. He wasn't coming in and out of the house while working on his truck and swearing about how crappy it is and he is never working on it again. Sometimes........it's too quiet. So I guess while peace and quiet is nice..it's only nice if it's quiet..ish.

Everybody Dies - Now go to bed!

When I was a child this was my dad's line when it was bed time. He would turn off the television, or tell me to put my book down and say "everybody dies now go to bed". It didn't matter what we were watching or what I was reading. We could have Fantasia or Real Genuis on and it was the same - "everybody dies now go to bed". We sighed and did as we were told. But I knew it was just something he said - not that it was true.

You can imagine then my horror the first time I read "On the Beach". I was in high school and I threw the book down and said what??? I ran upstairs and yelled at my father. "They all died!" I said. He didn't even know what I was talking about and without missing a beat he looks and me and says "I told you so." Argh!

I realize that I am a Happy Ending type of person. I like them - I prefer them. I am good with just ok too. It doesn't have to be happy so much as everything has top work out "ok". Does that make sense - like in the Hunger Games - it was sad and a lot of bad things happened, but it ended ok. Bad guys got what was coming to them and she found some peace. I'm not much into sad "what the crap was that? you cant leave it like that??" kind of endings. You know you have seen shows or read books like that. It's why I dont like a lot of the "human classics" that they make you read in school. I dont like Kafka, I hated Brave New World, and Animal Farm was deeply disturbing. It was supposed to be yes I know and it was well done etc, that doesn't mean its going to be my choice "light saturday night" reading.

It was like watching 12 Monkeys. Was it well done? Yes. Well acted and well written? Yes. Will I ever watch it again? No. Hell no. The bad guys win! Why would I ever want to watch crap like that?? I dont like the bad guys winning! It goes against my chosen reality. Even worse than that one was Fallen with Denzel Washington. That was a prime example of "what??? you are ending it like that??"

Ok - I admit it. I like my happy (or just ok) endings. I dont really care if that makes me a wuss, or "unable to appreciate the masterpeices of human emotion and suffering" in many of the classics. Sometimes I like the deep emotional stuff, sometimes I like some mental bubblegum. But over all I can say with certainty that I hate it when "eveybody dies - now go to bed!"

Happy Wednesday

Just checking in. All is well, mostly, you know.

He has been gone a couple months now. Not a whole lot here is different and it feels like it should be, but my schedule didn't really change. I still get the kids up in the morning, go to work, come home and make dinner, make the kids help clean up and do homework, go to bed. Time with him after work is what I miss. It's funny - even the annoying things that made me want to smother him I miss now. It is quieter though - a little more laid back. That sounds disloyal but I cant help it. My husband is....a little bit high maintenance, emotionally at least, and attention wise.And lets face it - I just have more me time. Too much really when I just want to cuddle with him. If I could have home and just go on a nice fishing trip or golf trip or whatever - somewhere fun with the guys - one weekend a month or even every other month, well that would be perfect. I would have him here for the most part and then get just little breaks from each other. A year is just too long. :)

Other than that not much is happening. Kids brought home some good report cards last quarter, hopefully they do so again this quarter. Josh got a Star Award for honesty and trustworthiness. I told Aaron and he laughed and said the teachers there must be pretty gullible. He is a good kid though -even if he is a magpie. My mom says he suffers from OSS - Oh Shiny Syndrome. He just picks up whatever and it all ends up in his room. If you cant find something in the house - check Josh's room. Scissors, screwdrivers, the cheese grater anything. :)

They are doing well though and I am proud of them. My only real complaint is that the internet where Aaron is really sucks and we cant harldy use it - or when we do the quality is so bad I cant really hear or see him. I know I know - I should be grateful to have it at all when for most of history there wasn't any communication or hardly any at all. But still - we do have the technology now and it is pretty common in most of the world. People in the cities in Afghanistan have high speed internet just fine, and with sattellite's people can get the internet anywhere. I just think if we have the technology and I pay $80.00 a month for it - then it should work - and just in crappy spurts. I'm just sayin...

He is moving to a different FOB where it is not so "quiet". Great. I'm thrilled. I wonder to myself - why couldn't he have been the cook? No - he has to go look for bombs. It's ok though - I'm just venting. I miss him. I have a pile of his laundry that I did after he left on his side of the bed that I haven't put away. It's like an Aaron shaped pile just on the other side of me when I sleep. Is that crazy? I don't know. I can't wait for R&R though - he gets to come for 2 weeks to visit and that will be awesome. It will make the last half of it last even longer but it breaks it up into smaller times that he is gone so that works out great.

Anyway - enough rambling for today. Just checking in- all is well. Oh and Happy Wednesday - Happy Cinco de Mayo.