Resolutions

So, how are yours going? Mine suck, as usual. You know the "eat healthier, exercise more, and this year I will finally be thinner" stuff? Yeah thats not working out so well. Oh I had good intentions, as usual. I went to the gym every day for a week. I cut down on my soda for 2 weeks. I started to drink more water. That I am trying really hard to stick with.
But then I had this problem. Someone with a handful of nails reached into my guts, grabbed and twisted. I thought I was going to die. It went on for hours, then finally it dwindled but didn't go away. The next night it gradually started to get worse again so I went to the E.R. Big fat lot of good that did. They did an ultra sound because I thought it might be cyst. Since I have PCOS I thought it likely and thats where the pain was. But no -- no cysts. Well thats great but whats the problem? The ER guy tries to tell me its a UTI. Yeah right. I have zero symptoms! None! And I have had plenty so I should know. But do they listen? Of course not. How could I possibly know my own body? SO they send me home with an antibiotic. Great. So I take the stupid pills as directed and drink my gallons and gallons of water as directed just so when I tell them they are full of crap they can't say I'm wrong because I didn't do what I was supposed to.
So then I go to my own doctor who told me to take the pills and if I don't feel better call him. So I call him and say -- I took the pills, I still hurt. It went down after the ER but has never gone away. And its still pretty bad. Bearable with drugs but still....thats not the point. They re-look at the ER tests and say wow... you are right, it wasn't a UTI. Gee...really? He does his own exam and says no its too high. It's not gynecological. Fine I will see a GI guy. But do lots of blood tests too. Enough to feed a family of vampires. Meanwhile symptons get worse and now I cant stop puking and am puking up blood. Joy.
Now we go see the GI guy and do an upper endoscopy. You know -- the scope down your throat thing. And we find some pretty bleeding ulcers, lots of them in my throat and a hiatial hernia. Not that I know how to spell that. This I already knew from daily acid reflux. Got meds for that -- thats good, that needed doing anyway but explains nothing about pelvic pain. So I go back 2 weeks later for the colonoscopy. You know the scope up the other end. Joy. And they biopsy my intestines and colon and all that. Apparently thats all in good shape. And my blood tests come back. She says everything looks great, thyroid, blood sugar, metabolics, etc. She says I am remarkably healthy. Well thats great but ----- what the H*** is wrong with me?
I really, really hate that feeling like they don't realy believe you and are just going through the motions to make you happy. I wanted to scream. I am not a hypochondriac, I dont limp around the house in tears of agony because I stubbed my toe. I have a pretty high pain tolerance level and it drives me nuts to tell them that this really f**ing hurts and have those condescending smiles and the "poor dear" pat. Pisses me off. I dont want more pills I want it fixed so I dont need more pills!!!! Anyway, I asked my doctor (who I really do like its just his nurse who blows me off that I want to strangle) to do an exploratory laparoscopy. Just go in and look. And if you dont find anything I will punch you in the nose and say you didnt look hard enough! Because something is wrong.
And joy of joys they looked, they found, and they fixed!!!!! It turns out I have endometriosis. 2 months and lots of money later we finally find it. Part of me just wants to say ha! Told you something was wrong. The other part is feeling just a bit irritated that I end up having both Endometriosis and PCOS. Like God really doesn't want me to have another baby. But I cant really complain. It's not cancer, and they did find it and cut it out. So yay!
So now -- maybe I can get back those resolutions. And while I probably wont be skinny by Christmas -- hopefully I can at least be skinnier than I am now.