Perspective

So I get grouchy a lot. It sounds bad but I do. Then I bite it off and try to be nice anyway. Otherwise I feel like a big fat hypocrite. See, I have no patience with self-pity, poor me whining. I feel like you either fix it or shut up. And this can get me in trouble as being insensitive. And I'm not really, you should be allowed to be upset when something is wrong or something bad happens. But wallowing in "I'm a bad person, nothing will ever go right, I'm a loser" etc. etc. etc. because you had a bad day just irritates me. Sorry you had a bad day but that doesn't mean your whole life sucks.
Then I have a bad day. You know those days where you are irritable and moody and you know it's irrational but you can't help it. So you have to try and suck it and be nice anyway or else you are just like the people you complain about. I got these pictures from my mother .. and they help me put all my own personal irritations into perspective. I used to get mad at people who said think of the big picture. Isn't my little one enough to deal with? It's like when Josh was born with all of his problems and people would come up to you and say -- it could be worse. I don't care if it could be worse. Just because it wasn't worse didn't mean it wasn't bad enough. People in general I think have a hard time moving perspective off of ourselves. After all isn't it OUR life we are living? So isn't it natural that we are focused on us? To think that life is bigger than we are - to think that we are a small bit of this universe seems to people to say that we don't matter. And I understand that but I think one of my favorite lines is from Contact when she says that the universe she saw showed her how "small and insignificant and rare and precious" we all are. So thinking of it that way, my problems in the scheme of tings are pretty tiny. But that doesn't mean I dont matter. Because in all of this ..
there is only one of me. I may be small, but I am also rare and precious. And I can make it through whatever I have to -- and not just make it but smile and make it the best that I can as I go. Does any of this make any sense? I don't know, but it works for me. I love my children, I love my husband, and I am blessed. The rest is all just a distraction to make me forget that.

Random Rants

So, what is a blog? Should it be a family update -- sort of a newsletter of myself? Or just a collection of random rants? Well I have to admit that I like my random rants even though a lot of times they don't make much sense and are often dark. For that I apologise. However, I will also make this a newsletter thing like the rest my very cool family who are much more creative than I am. And yes I did mean that and not sarcastically either. I have a very cool family. Weird, silly, strange, and fun. We all like each other and even get together for dinner once a month. Now - this is an old picture. I think it was taken in January of 2006. We have since added 2 new babies. One of them will be 1 this month and the other is currently being born today!! Yeah for babies! Those are nephews though -- not mine. Two of those little monsters are mine. Curtis and Joshua. They are 12 and 8. And yes I have better pictures of them I just think this one is cute. They fell asleep at Grandma's on the couch while the rest of the family was at a concert. We went to go see Peter Mayer. We love him. He is an independent singer/songwriter from Minnesota. He comes to Salt Lake every January and we go see him as part of our Christmas present from my parents. He sings Christian, Folk, and Silly stuff. Generally all around good guy.This is all of us (family, cousins, and friends) mobbing him for a picture. It's a little dark but it was lots of fun. We drag more people into it every year. Anyway -- here I am rambling again. So- bits about us: We are weird. That goes without saying. I am 30, obsessed with dragons and books. I'm married to a great, silly, strange man obsessed with animals, lizards and snakes and turtles in particular. We have been married for a little over 3 years. I have 2 silly strange but overall good hearted boys. They get in their fair share of trouble, Curtis for not thinking and Josh because some part of his scheme went awry. I worry about that one becoming the frat house con man and everyone will know about it but no one will care because he is such a charmer. I told my husband he gets to deal with the angry father's. Anyway - I love to read, the kids love to play video games, my husband likesto anything as long as he isn't required to sit still for more than 5 minutes because I think that might kill him. We are campers and fisher's. (Is fisher's a word?) The kids play sports of all kinds and we struggle and manage our way through life trying to teach and do the best we can. This is turning into a wierd journal/rant. I promise to get better at this though. :)

There are no phone booths in Antarctica

If Superman really did exist -- where would he change? Are full phone booths still out there? Or would he just have to find more of those spinning doors? Do any of us really care? See - I think that if Superman did exist it would be more like the Incredibles. Some people would be grateful -- others would just be peeved because he didn't save them too. How could you possibly save everyone or be everywhere? So how do you decide who to help? And who fixes all the stuff you break trying to save the world? Wouldn't you get just a bit sick of the ungrateful people who just want more and more and more of you? This is why Superman can't exist, not in a world of cynics and greedy bloodsuckers. Or at least thats why he can't admit he does. So instead of a Superhero who we would wear down we just get stuck with the SuperVillians who we (in our weird twisted people way) cry out about but can't seem to get enough of. People are strange. This is why SuperHeroes live in Anarctica, even though there are no phone booths there.